What's new chaps?

So,

A year plus has passed since my last post and a lot has changed. I'm not longer with Sarah A.K.A. Say. I'm now 21 years old and living in Thompsonville, a sub-section of Enfield -so not far from Somers, my old town.- I live in an apartment with my girlfriend Samantha. I am now unemployed and have been for nearly a year now, and it sucks. I need to find a job soon, before I drive myself crazy along with everyone around me. That's really the majority of any major developments in my life...Oh I no longer go to Asnuntuck either, I managed to fuck that up too, I'm on a roll. In terms of minor differences in my life, I now have 6 tattoos and 10 piercings. My tattoos include: My cards on my wrists, Mjolnir on my arm, Kismet/Destiny ambigram on my forearm, music star pentigram on my chest and half of a zelda heart contain on my arm (Sam having the other half).  As for piercings, my lobes are now 9/16th, I have 2 eyebrow piercings, 2 nostril piercings, a 12g soon to be 10g labret, both nipples, and tragus.


    So far this year has been pretty hectic but I know it will pick up. I wouldn't quite say I'm "depressed" but I'm definitely unhappy with a fair share of aspects in my life. In fact it seems the only good things running for me are my girlfriend, my dog and my living space. Other than that, things have gone to shit. I have very few magic cards left, not even a full deck. But such trivial things matter not to me anymore. I have more important things to focus my time on, living with Sam being on of them. Bills and my girlfriend are my obvious focus on life right now.

   this past summer was interesting...in so many ways. I would love to write about it but there are some things I like to keep to myself. Let's just say I burnt a lot of bridges and built even more new ones. My friend group in almost all aspects is different now. I also gained a pretty hate filled reputation and broke a few hearts on my path, but whatever it's not about the hearts you break it's about the one I fixed. Well, two that were fixed, her's and mine.

I Wake up`

I wake up, screaming and crying while my mother slowly rocks me back to sleep.

I wake up, grab my blanket as I innocently enjoy consumerism before I can even spell the word.

I wake up, throw on my clothes and enter the yellow hellish vehicle that will change my life forever.

I wake up, find my baseball gear and rush outside to play. -father no where in sight-

I wake up, sneak a cigarette before school.

I wake up, back onto the hellish yellow vehicle, who's that?

I wake up, she's gorgeous.

I wake up, yellow hellish vehicle again, we speak.

I wake up, bruised bones, bleeding nose, blood shot eyes.

I wake up, she's amazing.

I wake up, guess not.

I wake up, grab the pistol and blow my fucking brains out, I wake up.

I wake up, day with my friend...There she is! The girl from the yellow hellish vehicle, still gorgeous.

I wake up, she's taken.

I wake up, we fuck.

I wake up, she's finally mine.

Blog reboot

Well then, now that I have advanced a year plus in my life without posting more to this blog. I decided it's time for a reboot. To anyone who for some reason did not know, the women formerly mentioned in my blogs (Sarah) is no longer a part of my life. As usual being dumb and in love and then writing about perfection led to nothing but deception...Go figure. Well, I'm going to try to put more of my writing on this blog, as dark and fucked up and raw as some of it may be. this is where I'll be storing any and all of my writing....So enjoy!

P.S. I do have a new girlfriend, we have been happily together for over 7 months now and I will probably publish more sappy gay shit on here about her.  Forewarning.

Sometimes, that's just how it happens.

I swear, people have brought this up to me on multiple occasions and I'm kind of annoyed with giving long drawn out answers, or maybe some people just like to try and start drama.  Well, hopefully this will help, the long story of how sometimes, it just happens.  


About 8 months ago, I was just sitting around in my room, gaming most likely, when my sister tells me about a website she decided to try using.  This website was called www.okcupid.com.  She advocated for the site saying it was a good way to meet some new people and potentially find someone to date.  I, having not been in a relationship for 2 years nor wanting was convinced by my sister to sign up and try using it.  I found an interesting girl named Sarah on the site and we started talking.  2 months later we started dating.  Now, the "drama" comes from some people saying that Sarah and I would never work out.  I never understood where people got the information from or why they made these assumptions.  Saying, oh, she looks like shes from an entirely different "social stereotype"  implying I'm more alternative.  Or, oh shes a successful college student and you graduated high school a year late.  Well I'm here to tell you, 6 months later, we are happy together despite all these apparent "differences"  and we even lived together for 5 weeks.  


Our relationship came about completely unintentional, and even she was skeptical about dating me at first.  Well, seems like we went against the odds in the worlds apparent "relationship rules" huh?  Sometimes, that's just how it happens

The Past is the Past

The Past is the Past and I Intend to keep it that way

You know, I came up with a quote one day, a quote to help me through all the tough times. Unfortunately this quote is proving difficult to always live by: "Don't dwell on the past, you can't change it. Live in the present and mold your future, you only have one." As a lot of people know, my past was...different. I've had a lot of rough times in my life, and they've always effected how I am today. I'm trying to change that, trying to not let them effect who I am today. I'm a different person now, someone who has changed, and I intend to continue changing to be the best person I can be. I make a lot of mistakes regarding my past, I get upset easily beause of past experiences. If someone gets upset with me for instance, someone I truely care about, I react badly. People have left my life time and time again for silly reasons, when I give someone a reason to, I don't know how to cope. I used to be a very angry kid, always getting in fights, never really happy. I still have a difficult time controlling my anger, it clouds my judgement and twists my words. So, how do you control the way the past effects you? The simple answer is, you don't, you embrace it. The past few weeks, I've noticed how much my past really does effect the way I act. All I can say is, love the ones who don't care, and will always understand.

Fight pain with pain

  I get a lot of questions from people regarding my tattoos.  They'll ask me why I got them, or how many more I'm going to get, ect. Ect.  Truth is, it's a simple answer with a deep meaning.  Okay, maybe not as simple as it seems, and there isn't really one reason.  First off, I like the feeling of getting a tattoo.  No, I do not cut myself or any other form of masochistic act, I specifically like the feeling of tattoos.  The pain, is bearable.  More importantly however, it allows me to escape other pain.  When I get tattooed I can only focus on specifically that, and I enjoy it.  I love tattoos so I'm happy about getting a new one, while using the feeling to escape from outside factors. 

     

     Now let's dive into the question "What do they mean?".  Honestly, my tattoos have multiple meanings as well.  Let's start with my first one, Thors Hammer on my left arm.  The hammer of Thor, or Mjolnir, is a symbol of strength.  I consider myself to be a pretty strong person, and have gained my strength from my past.  I also got it to represent the srength my brother will need to get through all of his cancer treatments succesfully. 

     

     My next 2 tattoos are connected, the king and queen of hearts on my right/left wrists respectively.  Firstly, I've always loved the art work and symetry of these two playing cards.  Now, these two aren't quite complete, I'm adding a purple flame to them that will reach up to my elbow effectively making a half sleeve.  The flame addition represents two things, one of them being my love for Gambit.  He was always my favorite fictional character as a kid.  Secondly, the flames represent the tension commonly found in relationships, how most of them are fake and just painful.  

     

     Final frequently asked question, do I plan on getting more tattoos?  Yes, plenty more, at the minimum, two sleeves.  I love tattoos and I plan on getting as much as I can, non on my neck/hands though.  Hopefully I'll have a sleeve done in the next couple of years. 

I can show you Hell

If you asked me, I could show you Hell.  I could show you every corner, every fire and every demon in the depths of Hell.  Why?  Because I've been there, I'm merely a devil, sent to corrupt the minds and souls of the perfect.  Or at least, that's what is implied by the ever so intelligent rich and powerful.  They waltz around, no troubles in the world, judging people like me, people who are different; devils.  If I didn't know any better, I'd say I was a devil, and I may very well be.  The way "normal" people look and judge me, it's actually quite amusing.  It is humorous, in fact, that people can guess a personality, based soley on appearance.  
     
Yes, I listen to dark and loud music, yes I have stretched ears, yes I have tattoos, yes I have long hair...trust me when I say this but none of that is news to me.  So, please, before you look even more ignorant, stop telling me.  I'm different, I know it, but I'm not some "devil" that the main stream, or perfect crowd makes me out to be.  Or maybe I am?  Maybe all the other devils and I really were sent from hell, to corrupt the souls of the perfect.  Or.  Maybe.  We're all angels, sent to purify the wrong judgemental ways of the perfect.