The Past is the Past

The Past is the Past and I Intend to keep it that way

You know, I came up with a quote one day, a quote to help me through all the tough times. Unfortunately this quote is proving difficult to always live by: "Don't dwell on the past, you can't change it. Live in the present and mold your future, you only have one." As a lot of people know, my past was...different. I've had a lot of rough times in my life, and they've always effected how I am today. I'm trying to change that, trying to not let them effect who I am today. I'm a different person now, someone who has changed, and I intend to continue changing to be the best person I can be. I make a lot of mistakes regarding my past, I get upset easily beause of past experiences. If someone gets upset with me for instance, someone I truely care about, I react badly. People have left my life time and time again for silly reasons, when I give someone a reason to, I don't know how to cope. I used to be a very angry kid, always getting in fights, never really happy. I still have a difficult time controlling my anger, it clouds my judgement and twists my words. So, how do you control the way the past effects you? The simple answer is, you don't, you embrace it. The past few weeks, I've noticed how much my past really does effect the way I act. All I can say is, love the ones who don't care, and will always understand.

Fight pain with pain

  I get a lot of questions from people regarding my tattoos.  They'll ask me why I got them, or how many more I'm going to get, ect. Ect.  Truth is, it's a simple answer with a deep meaning.  Okay, maybe not as simple as it seems, and there isn't really one reason.  First off, I like the feeling of getting a tattoo.  No, I do not cut myself or any other form of masochistic act, I specifically like the feeling of tattoos.  The pain, is bearable.  More importantly however, it allows me to escape other pain.  When I get tattooed I can only focus on specifically that, and I enjoy it.  I love tattoos so I'm happy about getting a new one, while using the feeling to escape from outside factors. 

     

     Now let's dive into the question "What do they mean?".  Honestly, my tattoos have multiple meanings as well.  Let's start with my first one, Thors Hammer on my left arm.  The hammer of Thor, or Mjolnir, is a symbol of strength.  I consider myself to be a pretty strong person, and have gained my strength from my past.  I also got it to represent the srength my brother will need to get through all of his cancer treatments succesfully. 

     

     My next 2 tattoos are connected, the king and queen of hearts on my right/left wrists respectively.  Firstly, I've always loved the art work and symetry of these two playing cards.  Now, these two aren't quite complete, I'm adding a purple flame to them that will reach up to my elbow effectively making a half sleeve.  The flame addition represents two things, one of them being my love for Gambit.  He was always my favorite fictional character as a kid.  Secondly, the flames represent the tension commonly found in relationships, how most of them are fake and just painful.  

     

     Final frequently asked question, do I plan on getting more tattoos?  Yes, plenty more, at the minimum, two sleeves.  I love tattoos and I plan on getting as much as I can, non on my neck/hands though.  Hopefully I'll have a sleeve done in the next couple of years. 

I can show you Hell

If you asked me, I could show you Hell.  I could show you every corner, every fire and every demon in the depths of Hell.  Why?  Because I've been there, I'm merely a devil, sent to corrupt the minds and souls of the perfect.  Or at least, that's what is implied by the ever so intelligent rich and powerful.  They waltz around, no troubles in the world, judging people like me, people who are different; devils.  If I didn't know any better, I'd say I was a devil, and I may very well be.  The way "normal" people look and judge me, it's actually quite amusing.  It is humorous, in fact, that people can guess a personality, based soley on appearance.  
     
Yes, I listen to dark and loud music, yes I have stretched ears, yes I have tattoos, yes I have long hair...trust me when I say this but none of that is news to me.  So, please, before you look even more ignorant, stop telling me.  I'm different, I know it, but I'm not some "devil" that the main stream, or perfect crowd makes me out to be.  Or maybe I am?  Maybe all the other devils and I really were sent from hell, to corrupt the souls of the perfect.  Or.  Maybe.  We're all angels, sent to purify the wrong judgemental ways of the perfect.

All It Takes

All it really takes is a little strand of hope and a faithful push.  At least, that's all I really needed.  To experience feelings that I've just never felt before.  To be genuinely loved, for someone to be there for me, to catch my tears and to cause my smiles.  I nearly gave up, 4 months ago...I almost quit.  I was beginning to lose all hope.  I never had any intentions ending my life, no, that is simply selfish and cowardess.  


I just never thought I would be able to "live" a life.  It seemed like every form of what I thought was faith or hope was just fake.  People left me, people betrayed me and people hurt me.  "Truth is, everyone is going to hurt you, you just have to find the ones worth suffering for."  Bob Marley makes a very valid point here, but I still disagree to a certain extent.  I think you have to find the ones who make an impact with merely words.  From what it seems, I've found someone who does, someone worth suffering for, but most importantly, someone to push that bit of faith back into me...a little strand of hope

My blog, what will it contain?

Hey everyone,
     My names Jon, and I've decided to start a blog.  This won't be a typical blog, ranting about how my day went, while I may or may not do that on occasion, that is not the purpose.  I've been told I'm a decent writer, and I enjoy free style writing as a way to vent or just put feelings into words without really thinking about them.  Now, on to what you may see in here.
-A simple piece of writing about what has been going on with me recently.
-Free style writing done by me alone.
-Posts about gaming, which I'm passionate about.
-Posts about music, which I'm passionate about.
-Posts about tattoos
-I'll post about much more as well, but that's all I can think of off the top of my head.

     Writing has taught me may things.  Writing never lies, people do, but their writing doesn't, they mean to write what they write, as opposed to people who say something but don't mean it the way it comes out.
You really can learn a lot about someone based simply off of their writing.  Their personality, how their lives have been lately, and how they are with people.  So, that's all for my intro post...stay tuned for more!